Honeymoon photo taken last May
Do you ever have one of those morning where you wake up feeling slimmer? Your stomach feels flatter, your thighs more slender and like you’ve somehow miraculously lost 5lbs overnight? Yep? Well I had one of those days this morning. I got up and just felt leaner, so I decided to weigh myself assuming I’d be pleasantly surprised by the number on the scales.
Since I was about 19 I’ve monitored my weight, weighing myself fairly regularly and using that as my best guide when trying to lose weight. I’ve always made a conscious effort to not let myself get into the habit of weighing myself every day as I know that’s not healthy, but over the years it’s always been my way of keeping track of my size. I’ve never been one of those people who goes on the way they look…I’m never really happy with what I see in the mirror, and I’ve never taken measurements.
Up until last year, I’d also never exercised, so it made sense to use that number on the scales as my tracker, if it was going down, I was doing the diet right. If it went up, I needed to cut out those biscuits I’d been slyly eating and hoping those calories would somehow miraculously disappear.
I got married last May, and started my ‘wedding diet’ in the January. I didn’t have plans to lose huge amounts, my dress was flattering and I was comfortable in it, but I wanted to lose a little and tone up for my honeymoon. I wanted honeymoon bikini pics that I was happy with. So I set myself an aim of losing between 10lbs and a stone, but also to start working out three times a week to tone up. Knowing my dislike for exercise, my family and friends all laughed when I said I planned to hit the gym that often, and I even thought myself I wouldn’t last longer than a month. Obviously the wedding was the motivation I needed and I kept it up. Going to bums and tums, yoga and pilates. When wedding day arrived, I’d hit my target weight and felt pretty confident in myself and my body…a first in my life!
Almost a year later, I weigh a stone heavier. I’m working out 6 or 7 times a week, with a range of cardio, weights and strength and toning classes. I’m calorie counting every day, except for my one cheat day, and I’m not losing any weight. There is a part of me that is so disheartened by this, in my head I’m still the girl who tracks her size by the number on the scales, and this morning when I felt particularly ‘light’ and was 3lb heavier than I had been the week before, I was pretty gutted.
I read Anna’s post the other week and it really struck a chord. I know my body is changing. I’m developing a bum that I’ve never had before. I can see definition in my arms, and I know I’m stronger everywhere. But it’s difficult to not fixate on that number, the tummy I can’t seem to get rid of and the chunky calves I’ve always hated. And I guess it’s going to be a while before I can stop doing that.
So despite what the scales said, I took this photo of myself this morning, and decided I wasn’t going to let that number control me. I can see I’m going in the right direction, and if I keep working hard, those abs will appear, I might start seeing some definition in my legs and I’ll be confident in my bikini, and the number on the scales will be just that, a number.